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"I find this star to be of poor construction and designed with every cliché imaginable," intones SYCO founder, reality-competition mastermind and international music genius Simon Cowell on the occasion of his addition to the Hollywood Walk of Fame. "Listen, mate, could you keep your voice down a bit?" asks Sony Music boss Rob Stringer. "We're right across the street from the HITS offices, and I really don't want them to know I'm here."

Meanwhile, Idol alumna Kelly Clarkson beamed and Leron Gruber of the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce wondered when to slip Cowell his demo tape.

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		TOP 20: JUST TRUST US A second sonic Boom (4/18a) Check It Out Now ON THE COVER: AARON BAY-SCHUCK AND TOM CORSON Bunny's hoppin' again. (4/17a) Check It Out Now NEAR TRUTHS: PRIMARY NUMBERS Hats off to Larry (4/17a) Check It Out Now TAY’S FORTHCOMING DEBUT: WE ARE TORTURED BY SPECULATION So many questions (4/18a) Check It Out Now THE COUNT: COACHELLA, FROM THE COUCH The coziest way to experience the fest (4/18a) Check It Out Now
		THE NEW UMG Gosh, we hope there are more press releases. TIKTOK BANNED! Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is. THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT No, not that one. TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST Now 100% unlicensed!

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