IT AIN'T FALL YET, FOLKS

Yawn… Would someone please wake us up when the Video Music Awards show begins?

Yes, folks, as the industry awaits MTV's annual unofficial kickoff of fourth-quarter frenzy, this week's chart reads like…well, kinda like last week's chart, and the nine or 10 before that. Hey kids, whaddaya want? It's summer and, outside of St. Louis, things just aren't that happening yet.

In fact, you wacky kids of summer, it's a good thing Columbia's Wyclef Jean debuted at #9 on this week's Top 50 Album chart—otherwise Hastings' Mike Fuller wouldn't be able to throw down such brilliant quotes as the following:

"We saw a solid first-week debut from Wyclef Jean this week."

Wheeedoggie! Move over, Laurence Olivier. Does this guy talk purdy or what?

Of course, it wouldn't be August without another dominant week by Fo' Reel/Universal's Nelly, who maintained his solid hold on the top spot.

"Nelly continues to put up some great numbers as we inch toward a fourth quarter that looks like it's going to be phenomenal. We surely hope so, because it's been a fairly quiet summer," said Fuller as he pondered a career in nuclear physics.

Rounding out this week's Top Five are Britney, Eminem, "NOW 4" and Creed..

Besides Wyclef, other Top 10ers this week include 3 Doors Down at #6, NSYNC at #7, Papa Roach at #8 and the "Coyote Ugly" ST at #10. Yaaawwwwwnnn.

"It will soon be after Labor Day, and you know what that means," said Fuller, as he touched himself inappropriately while watching summer reruns of "Rosie."

In a related story, Vice Presidential candidate Joseph Lieberman uttered the word "heck" this week.