DOWN A FEW ESPRESSOS AND READ THIS

We’ll make this quick: UMG has rolled out the compilation Sped Up Songs: Official Remixes From Viral Creators and Speed Radio. Available to stream or download IMMEDIATELY, the set boasts 16 sped-up mixes, including rapid takes on hits like “Unholy” by Sam Smith and Kim Petras, “Die for You” by The Weeknd, Lana Del Rey’s “Summertime Sadness” and Tears for Fears’ immortal “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” (for the aspiring dictator in a hurry, one presumes).

Among the remixers is TikTok influencer Tristan Olsen, aka xxtristanxo, whose high-velocity versions have ginned up north of 34m streams. There are also remixes by Kuya Magik, ex7stence and Esteve, all of whose handles, ironically, are difficult to say three times fast.

“We’re excited to share this compilation of some of today’s most popular tracks highlighting the music creator community responsible for driving viral trends across media platforms,” goes a regular-speed quote from Uni Global EVP, Music Strategies and Tactics Mike Biggane. “Since its start, Speed Radio has been dedicated to artists and creators as the only legitimate collective to provide a path to commercial releases for creator mixes with co-signs from superstar artists. We work hard to celebrate the artistry behind these songs and will continue to shine a light on the incredible talent behind this inspiring music.”

We’d share the sped-up version of Mike’s quote, but it just sounds like “bli-dip.” IYKYK.