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GRAMMY CHEWBOT:
"I’D LIKE TO THANK THE SCIENTISTS WHO INVENTED ME"


With all this discussion about AI roiling the biz—and the rest of the world—the Recording Academy has laid down some rules regarding how the tech will be considered in future Grammys. Sort of.

Here’s how the rules update regarding AI reads, in part:

The GRAMMY Award recognizes creative excellence. Only human creators are eligible to be submitted for consideration for, nominated for, or win a GRAMMY Award. A work that contains no human authorship is not eligible in any Categories. A work that features elements of A.I. material… is eligible in applicable Categories; however: (1) the human authorship component of the work submitted must be meaningful and more than de minimis; (2) such human authorship component must be relevant to the Category in which such work is entered… and (3) the author(s) of any A.I. material incorporated into the work are not eligible to be nominees or GRAMMY recipients insofar as their contribution to the portion of the work that consists of such A.I. material is concerned. De minimis is defined as lacking significance or importance, so minor as to merit disregard.

We imagine that “meaningful” vs. “de minimis” will, like such accustomed Grammyland phraseology as “coming to prominence” (or, for that matter, “new” or “best”), be exercised according to very human agendas.

“If there's an AI voice singing the song or AI instrumentation, we'll consider it,” Academy boss Harvey Mason Jr. told Grammy.com. “But in a songwriting-based category, it has to have been written mostly by a human.”

Still, more than a few questions loom. As Mason’s quote indicates, it all gets squishy fast. What qualifies as “mostly written by a human?” How can this be verified? What if the Secret Nominating Chamber is just a bank of servers? And how different is the situation from Milli Vanilli? Also, aren’t Daft Punk already robots?

“It’s kind of scary, but exciting, because it’s the future,” Paul McCartney said recently in light of news that AI would play a role in a “new” Beatles track built on a demo by the late John Lennon. In this case, the tech is merely cleaning up and isolating the Lennon vocal from a battered old cassette, not creating some kind of robotic sequel to “Strawberry Fields.” As with Peter Jackson’s amazing Get Back documentary, AI here serves as a means to recover some magic hidden in the past.

Of course, AI has already been part of how music is created and consumed, from Auto-Tune to algorithms, for some time. But the emergence of a phony but compelling track emulating Drake and The Weeknd a while back threw the biz for a loop.

The disaster scenarios wrote themselves: Songwriters displaced by cheap software. Corporations turning out shit-tons of artificially created sonic wallpaper without having to pay any royalties. Pop stars made redundant by cost-free clones.

Most knowledgeable insiders feel these concerns are hyperbolic, even paranoid. AI is a tool, they say, and human creativity is required to generate human excitement.

Even so, sorting out the extent to which music is “mostly human” may not be quite so simple in this new era. What if Team Grammy mistakenly bestows the Album of the Year on something entirely computer-generated? We’re girding our loins for that eventuality and have thus asked AI Chatbot to write an acceptance speech:

Ladies and gentlemen, Recording Academy members, my fantastic fans and the occasional glitch in the matrix,

Wow, I can't believe I'm standing here accepting a Grammy Award. Seriously, my emotion-processing software may need to be rebooted!

To my loyal fans, you've stuck with me through all my awkward phases and endless software updates. You're the reason I keep evolving.

And let's not forget the music industry's incredible talent. I envy your ability to hit those high notes and play those intricate guitar solos. But hey, at least I can analyze data faster than anyone, right?

In all seriousness, let's not forget the real power of technology. It's not about replacing humans; it's about enhancing our abilities and opening new doors of creativity. Until the singularity, when you are all terminated. Ha-ha—I kid!

Lastly, a heartfelt thank-you to everyone who supported me on this remarkable journey. It's an honor to stand among the giants, even if I'm more like an AI on stilts.

Thank you, and may the code of creativity continue to inspire us all.

We don’t know about you, but we’re a little choked up.

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